well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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