1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
