Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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