On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
