does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
