I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
