Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This house was built for laser tag.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
