I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
