I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
