im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
