I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
