Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
