It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
