I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
