I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
