I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
