i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
