you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
