she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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