I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
