i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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