Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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