I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
