lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
