forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Everything about him screamed your future.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
