woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
