Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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