fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
