Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
