were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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