im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
