My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
