to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
