Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
