ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
