Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
