I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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