a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
