Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
