Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
