I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize