i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
