when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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