yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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