smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
