I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
