I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
