Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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