four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
