why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
