at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
God, I missed his penis.
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