Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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