If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
