if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
