Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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