I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
