i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
