As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
