At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
