I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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