all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
