my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
