You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
