there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
