I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That was before I lit my hair on fire
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
