Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
