we made out on top of his cat.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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