I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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