I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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