This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
