so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
