You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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