DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
