I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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