she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
