Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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