Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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