Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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