I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize