just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
