dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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