My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
