I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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