listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize