I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
