hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
