so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
