Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
