If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
