That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
