he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I need moral support for this bender
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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