I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize