Tell her she can't have a vagina
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
