You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
